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the only sport I care about
Aug. 3rd, 2010 05:50 pmIt's like you're going to hold a dinner party potluck, and one of your guests tells you, "That sounds fantastic! I'll be there! In fact, I'm gonna bring filet mignon for everyone!"
And you say, "But Brett, you said you weren't coming to any more dinner parties, the last time I hosted one (and the time before that, and the time before... )."
And he replies, "But it turned out I could come! Remember?"
And you remind him that by that point, Aaron had already brought some very nice chicken marsala, and even if it wasn't filet mignon, at least it was still delicious, and he promised to bring the marsala when you had your party next year, and he knew how to RSVP correctly.
"But I've brought the filet mignon for 19 years!" Brett cries to you. "I've been bringing filet mignon longer than you've been having dinner parties! I brought the filet mignon last year, didn't I?"
"We had already set the table and everything! You just burst in the door!"
Brett grins. "But you got steak for dinner. Weren't expecting that, were you? What were you planning, mac and cheese or some shit? Steak was way better!"
"And it was delicious," you admit, "but Brett, I have 53 people coming to my dinner. I need to know in advance if you're bringing the main dish or not."
"Well, I mean." He looks down at his cleats. "Actually, I don't know if I can come. I mean, it might go past my bedtime. And, really, I had to have some repairs made to my grill this spring, and it's not really up to snuff yet, and -"
"Listen, Brett. The thing is, Donovan already offered to broil a very nice salmon for us, but we told him you were bringing the steak, and now he's not coming. And, well, Tavaris only knows how to make a very basic spaghetti. So yes, we would love for you to bring your signature dish again, but really, we just need to know if you're coming or not, okay?"
Brett thinks. "When's the RSVP date?"
You sigh. "Technically? You've still got a few weeks. But seriously. Tavaris is going to need a lot of help making his spaghetti if you're not coming. Please let us know."
Brett waves and starts to walk away.
"Oh!" You exclaim. "Also, we usually get together before the actual dinner, to talk about the recipes, make sure everything goes together..." Brett just keeps walking. "But you're not coming to that, are you?" There's no reply. Of course there isn't. He can cook a mean filet mignon, but he's still a douchebag.
ETA: My favorite comment so far on the matter, from Packers linebacker Nick Barnett: "It's like believing in Santa Claus. You get gifts, but you ain't seen Santa Claus."
And you say, "But Brett, you said you weren't coming to any more dinner parties, the last time I hosted one (and the time before that, and the time before... )."
And he replies, "But it turned out I could come! Remember?"
And you remind him that by that point, Aaron had already brought some very nice chicken marsala, and even if it wasn't filet mignon, at least it was still delicious, and he promised to bring the marsala when you had your party next year, and he knew how to RSVP correctly.
"But I've brought the filet mignon for 19 years!" Brett cries to you. "I've been bringing filet mignon longer than you've been having dinner parties! I brought the filet mignon last year, didn't I?"
"We had already set the table and everything! You just burst in the door!"
Brett grins. "But you got steak for dinner. Weren't expecting that, were you? What were you planning, mac and cheese or some shit? Steak was way better!"
"And it was delicious," you admit, "but Brett, I have 53 people coming to my dinner. I need to know in advance if you're bringing the main dish or not."
"Well, I mean." He looks down at his cleats. "Actually, I don't know if I can come. I mean, it might go past my bedtime. And, really, I had to have some repairs made to my grill this spring, and it's not really up to snuff yet, and -"
"Listen, Brett. The thing is, Donovan already offered to broil a very nice salmon for us, but we told him you were bringing the steak, and now he's not coming. And, well, Tavaris only knows how to make a very basic spaghetti. So yes, we would love for you to bring your signature dish again, but really, we just need to know if you're coming or not, okay?"
Brett thinks. "When's the RSVP date?"
You sigh. "Technically? You've still got a few weeks. But seriously. Tavaris is going to need a lot of help making his spaghetti if you're not coming. Please let us know."
Brett waves and starts to walk away.
"Oh!" You exclaim. "Also, we usually get together before the actual dinner, to talk about the recipes, make sure everything goes together..." Brett just keeps walking. "But you're not coming to that, are you?" There's no reply. Of course there isn't. He can cook a mean filet mignon, but he's still a douchebag.
ETA: My favorite comment so far on the matter, from Packers linebacker Nick Barnett: "It's like believing in Santa Claus. You get gifts, but you ain't seen Santa Claus."
