It's not clear to me, but every season has its changes and I'll see you when the sun comes out again

[dancinguniverse]

So the first trip to the beach was largely a bust. I went to about a dozen restaurants, and I still don't have a job. I spent most of Wednesday evening calling places, asking if they were hiring. One or two said no, everyone else failed to answer or said, "yes, come in and fill out an application."

So Thursday, I took Mommom's car and went cruising up and down Ocean City, filling out applications and talking to people. Half the places I'd called the night before, who'd told me they were hiring, said they didn't need anyone when I walked in the door. I only talked to one manager, and he offered me a job, but as a hostess, making $7 an hour. He said at the end of June, he might bump me up to server, or if I was really good at hostessing, I might make $8 or even $9. But think that at a good waitressing job, figure $100 for 6 hours of work, which is a lot more than even $9 an hour.

So I'll keep it as a last reserve, because the manager and the one waiter I talked to both seemed really nice, and it's right on the inlet, which would be nice...

I also put in an application at a place up north, and they said they'd call me back today, which they haven't. I also put in an application at a nice place right across the street from where I'll be living, and I was expecting a call from them today as well, and didn't get it.

I also put in an application at a really nice place called Harrison's. But when I filled out an app, they also made me take an "entrance exam" which I'm pretty sure I failed. It asked me to name a long list of wines as red, white, or blush, name popular brands of vodka, gin, scotch, tequila, etc, asked for five kinds of frozen drinks, 3 imports and 3 domestic beers, what was in a list of 5 mixed drinks... god did I flunk that section hard. Maybe I should drink more at college.

I did well on the part about food though. I knew all of that stuff. But I don't think they're going to call me back because of the alcohol part.

I put in a bunch of applications other places, but none of them sounded very encouraging, or flat out told me they weren't hiring, but they'd take my name anyway.

I figure I'll start calling people back on Sunday. I wanted to spend next week at home, so I could see people, but I'll drive back down the beach to interview with people if I have to to secure a job.

I really wanted to live down at the beach, and I want to live at least pseudo on my own with Karen, but part of that was dependent on the fact that I thought I could make bank money down there. And working retail is not going to give that to me. Also, I'm really nervous about maybe not getting to see anyone this summer, or seeing them once or twice all summer long.

I also really want to be able to invite people to stay with me, and I still don't know how Mommom and Poppop feel about that. Mom said what they don't know won't hurt them, but... it doesn't feel right to me. Also, Mommom knows I'm an adult, but she still insists on watching me to make sure I can turn the water tank on and off, reminds me about no sandy towels in the dryer (something she's been telling us since we were babies), etc...

When I envisioned this summer, I imagined Karen and I living on our own. Now I have this haunting image of Mommom and Poppop down there all the time, so that it's more like Karen and I living with my grandparents all summer, which is not the same at all. I love my grandparents to death, but I couldn't live with them for a whole summer. They're too old, and too clean, and too quiet. I don't want to do the dishes as soon as every meal is done, I don't want to pick up my books and papers at the end of every evening, I don't want to have to sneak in quietly whenever I enter the condo after 11 pm. I don't want to share the TV, or not be able to play my music. I want to live on my own. I really am tired of living under anyone else's rule, especially people who live so radically different from me.

I think once I get a job, I'll feel more secure about the rest, especially if one of the good jobs comes through, and I don't have to work retail, or hotel management. I'm just really uptight until things are settled.

It doesn't help that none of my friends are out of school, so they're all really busy and can't hang out, and I miss my Minnesota friends a lot, and Tom so much, and I keep thinking, "It won't be so long, I'll see them (him) soon," and then I look at a calendar, and see how many pages I have to turn to even get to the right month. And it hasn't even been a week yet.

I feel like I'm going into hibernation. Like I only really live while I'm at school. I have my studies there, it's where all my plans for the future lay, and I have my friends where I can see them every day. And here, my brain turns off, because there's nothing and no one to stimulate me, and I go into slow motion, because seeing friends multiple times a day turns into seeing people once a week if I'm lucky. And I hate that feeling, but I don't know how to change it.

I'm beginning to wonder if the beach was just a really bad idea. I hate living at my house, but at least I can do what I like here, and I stand a slightly better chance of seeing my friends. I really wish I had looked harder for an REU. I wanted to be at home, since I hadn't been back since January, but now that I'm back, I'm wondering what I really have left here. Cuz right now, it doesn't feel like much.

I know there's another side of this, where I'm still excited just to be living down at the beach, with one of my best friends, and working a good job that of course I'll get... I'm just stuck on the other side at the moment.

Comments

[skgirl212.livejournal.com]

haha yeah i would have failed that alcohol test too. good luck on your job search!

[dancinguniverse.livejournal.com]

thanks!

[jmsilvercat.livejournal.com]

It seems to be a summer of things not turning out quite how they were planned.


Best of luck! ♥